Tuesday, July 20, 2010
At first I thought it was just her being a little girl and eight year old hormones. But I am not sure anymore. Jason and I are involved heavily in the autism community and the Walk Now for Autism Speaks, but we always balance that out with piano lessons and Girl Scout events. We try so hard not to make her feel less or less cared for. Sometimes I think we over compensate (new puppy). I really believe that we have done a good job about giving everyone equal attention and opportunities. But still she feels this way. Is it just perception or is there something that I am not seeing?
She is a great sister to her brothers. And when she is in her "right" mind she cares deeply about kids with autism and her brother. But when she is upset or sensitive she lashes out at Zion and tells him that autism is bad. Which then makes Zion come to me and ask questions about his autism. He asked me yesterday if he had a brain. (tear)
She usually doesn't complain about objects or things he gets, she actually complains about me feeling more for him. Not loving him more or caring about him more, but that I cry for him and for other kids with autism more and she wants me to cry for her. I wish it was something I could change easily, but since I seem to overflow with tears when one of "our" kids in the community accomplishes some little or great goal, I don't think this is going to change. I am actually happy I don't have to cry over Hannah in this way. She is amazing. She can accomplish anything she sets her mind to with little or no trouble.
She will be attending a sibling support group soon and I also may get her some individual therapy. She also will be leaving for Camp Barnabas this week. I am praying that she makes friends with other girls that have brothers who have autism. I pray that she expresses her feelings to them and maybe they can understand her on a level I can't. I only know what it is like to be a mom of a child with autism. The worry, the fear, the hope, the triumph....but I feel that with all my kids.
Her words everyday,"I wish Zion didn't have autism." That is my wish too, but life has already dealt those cards for us. My wish is that all my kids feel equally loved and cherished, and I seem to failing at it. I guess we just need to work harder.
Posted by Zion's Mom at 9:40 AM